A “foster fail” is what happens when someone fosters an animal and ends up keeping them instead of adopting them out.
Saying goodbye to any animal you foster can be difficult and emotional, and that’s perfectly okay. Read more to learn about different perspectives on the concept of foster failing and how to decide what’s right for you.
If You Foster Animals, You Need to Hear This.
When I met Finch, my resident kitten, I searched for days hoping to find opinions and stories about foster-failing, and I never found a story or opinion that sat right with me. There are those who completely oppose the concept yet have “failed” in the past, and others who have “failed” but haven’t fostered other animals since then. Still others prefer to use the term “foster win” and put a positive spin on the concept.
Now I’m sharing the story and the knowledge I kept searching for as a first-time foster. I hope it brings you peace of mind to read about such a common fostering challenge. This issue is not one to consider lightly, but please know that ultimately, you’re only in this confusing situation because you’re saving lives, and that’s pretty amazing.
Finch’s Story
I have my laptop in front of me and Finch on my shoulder, so I suppose this is as good of a time as any to write this story! 🙂
Finch is a kitten from the first litter I ever fostered. When I went to pick his litter up at the shelter, I was greeted with caution and concern. “The littlest male is the one you’ll need to keep an eye on. He’s lethargic and not eating well.” He was given subcutaneous fluids and Karo syrup immediately upon shelter intake. “There’s a chance he’ll become super lethargic, go to sleep, and never wake up again.”
I thought, Am I ready for this? He’s too tiny…I can’t wait until he doesn’t need me anymore!
I drove home with four 6-week-old spicy tabbies. Three of the kittens, Finch included, refused to leave the carrier when we arrived. This is why I strongly prefer using top-opening carriers when possible. Seriously, it’s much easier to get scared kittens out of a carrier from above as opposed to having a hand reaching in front of their faces. The only thing on my mind was getting Finch out of there so I could start feeding and monitoring him as soon as possible.
It wasn’t easy, but eventually all four babies were cautiously exploring their playpen.
As hard as it is for me to admit, I must say that I started to regret fostering this little, innocent kitten. He hissed and popped every time I tried to handle him, yet he would only eat food out of my hand! It was immensely frustrating and I couldn’t stop worrying about his health.
Then it got worse. I was finally able to weigh him and his littermates. He was only 570 grams…just barely over a pound! Hawk and Sparrow were nearing 700 grams. The comparison shocked me. He looked like he was in a completely different stage of development than his siblings. Robin weighed only 10 more grams than him, but she gained weight very quickly and caught up to her siblings within a couple days.
Finch, on the other hand, dealt with diarrhea, feline conjunctivitis, and had almost no interest in eating. He tried to find a spot to suckle on my clothes almost every time I held him, and he didn’t enjoy playing as much as his siblings. I was putting so much physical and emotional energy into this tiny kitten.
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– $6.00 allows us to buy a bag of litter
– $25 helps us buy 12 cans of cat food
– $100+ allows us to fund general medical procedures for any felines that we foster on our own
Thank you so much for considering a donation! 🙂
Any contribution is greatly appreciated!
– $6.00 allows us to buy a bag of litter
– $25 helps us buy 12 cans of cat food
– $100+ allows us to fund general medical procedures for any felines that we foster on our own
Thank you so much for considering a donation! 🙂
Any contribution is greatly appreciated!
– $6.00 allows us to buy a bag of litter
– $25 helps us buy 12 cans of cat food
– $100+ allows us to fund general medical procedures for any felines that we foster on our own
Thank you so much for considering a donation! 🙂
It was hard to ignore the bond we were forming, but it was also hard to think about what it would be like to say goodbye to him when he was ready for adoption.
Two weeks later, Minnie, my resident cat, stepped in. Finch’s health and personality started to shine the more time he was able to spend with her. His appetite increased and he weighed in at exactly 2 pounds on the day of his neuter surgery. I fell in love with their relationship and I finally acknowledged that I didn’t want to say goodbye to him.
What if I Fail?
With my resident pets at the time, Maisy and Minnie, the matchmaking and decision-making processes were rushed and exciting. Because I happened upon them in shelters where I knew I wanted to adopt a dog/cat that day, there were no ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Finch, on the other hand, spent time in my home for almost an entire month. I spent two whole weeks going back and forth on what I should do. Was he meant to be a part of our family, but I was too proud to accept it? Was he destined to be adopted into another home?
After all, as Hannah Shaw (aka “Kitten Lady” and my favorite fostering role model) says, “The goal is goodbye.”
How many more kittens would I feel attached to? Would this happen with every group of kittens that I fostered? I worried about the stigma attached to foster failing. Surely, adopting Finch meant I was selfish. It meant I was the worst foster parent ever.
Near the end of this first fostering journey, my fiancé saw how much Minnie and I loved this kitten and reminded me of all the times I spoke about how excited I was to see Finch grow into an adult. The caveat, he said, was if adopting Finch would mean the end of my fostering journey, then Finch should not be a part of our family.
I let that sink in for a couple days. Later on, while waiting at the shelter during the kittens’ vet appointment, an anxious woman came up to me. “Are you looking to adopt a cat today?” she asked. I told her I wasn’t, and I assumed she asked because she was a potential adopter looking for the adoption room.
I smiled at her and thought of Finch. Maybe she was his future family. The thought of him being adopted by someone else didn’t feel so sad in this case. I reached for my phone, ready to show her his picture and tell her about the application process.
Then the woman spoke again. “See, I’m looking to rehome one of my cats. He’s a male and, you know, they pee everywhere and he just needs a new home.”
My heart sank.
I told her that if she was hoping to leave her cat here, she should know that the shelter is usually at full capacity. After I suggested she speak to the shelter staff, the woman’s family came out of the car and said that the cat should either be dropped off at the humane society despite the likelihood of euthanasia, or live the rest of his life outside.
Taking this as a sign, I knew then and there that Finch was already exactly where he needed to be. Not only that, but I left the shelter feeling frustrated because I didn’t have the space or funds to independently foster this woman’s unwanted cat. I was relieved to realize that I was still interested in fostering, and I hope someday to be able to lend a hand in those situations.
What if You Fail?
“The goal is goodbye.”
Hannah Shaw – The Kitten Lady
Nobody looks forward to failing. We have to recognize the negative association attached to this word. I don’t know about you, but unfortunately I was afraid of being judged by others for foster-failing.
Of course, there are those who tell me that Finch is a “foster win.” But I want to offer a different perspective. Just as it’s disappointing to know that there are people who re-home pets for the sake of convenience, it’s also disappointing to learn that there are many foster homes that immediately adopt one of their fosters and then stop fostering forever. One less foster home means one less life saved.
Perhaps foster fails are only true failures when that decision keeps you from continuing to foster or impacts your capacity to foster. Yes, the goal is “goodbye,” yet saying “hello” to Finch did not affect my long-term goal of fostering as many little lives as I can. So, if you’re deciding whether or not to adopt one of your foster animals, ask yourself, “What will happen if I fail?”
If the answer to this question is that your ability to foster will be limited or nonexistent, I strongly encourage you to reconsider adopting at this time. You decided to open up your home to animals in need so they can have a second chance at life, and there are so many little lives in need.
If you have a truly genuine, irreplaceable bond with your current foster and you know without a doubt that you can continue supporting fosters in need, then follow your heart. As you heard from my experience, this truly does happen in the fostering world.
Spoiler alert – I’ve never felt that way about any other foster kitten. Saying goodbye is always hard, and I shed a little tear every time each kitten leaves the play room for the last time. But saying goodbye always means I get to welcome a new little floof into the Kitten Koop!
I wish you the best of luck on your fostering journey. May you have many happy farewells and perhaps a hello if it’s right for you! Check out helpful ways to cope with goodbyes in How to Say Goodbye to Your Foster Kittens.
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